026

I may be this thing, 

you call human

I am composed of flesh

but my thoughts are deceiving:

The love languages are not easily translated. Moving from one region of the body/world sets up the need for interpretation from another body/world. 

Touch, Act of service, Quality time, Gift giving, Praise—all forms of communication that necessitate the participants to understand the equilibrium. 

I have found my giving of gift and acts of service are the imbalance to the equation. I give and give and give. 

My receiving mechanism is just a quick processing of the received intention, turned back to the sender as I quickly take on the role of giver once more. 

Too much giving, and too little practice in receiving. AND THEN MY FRIEND SAID:

Receiving is a form of giving — BY ALLOWING THE GIFT INTO YOUR LIFE, YOU GIVE THE SENDER THE CHANCE TO TRULY GIVE. 

I always think that there needs to be a tit for tat, give and get, kind of relationship. Otherwise, an imbalance of rudeness can occur with someone taking too much, and never reciprocating. I suppose the fear is the lack of reciprocal behavior that becomes the expected norm. But then, as I constantly ‘boing-flip’ the comment back to them, when and how am I ever going to receive? This has led me down the paradigm that I am undeserving of just a compliment or any language of love, because I need to give something back, or else I am selfish. And when I see those who are selfish, I want to wring their necks and scream into their ears, closely, that the world doesn’t revolve around them. But, then, later, I want the world to spin just for me as other wait on my beck and call allowing me to feel a righteous sense of deserved luxury. That is the feeling when I get massages, even thought it is a paid transaction. I need to find the non-transactional acceptance of a love language which allows for a balance of giving and receiving.